Curse of the Constant Pain

 " She sits from her sleep stiff and body aching, her every day pain is there upon awaking.
She struggles and pulls herself out of bed it's only been minutes and the pains already spread.  She puts on a face and bites on her lip, collecting her thoughts, tries to get a grip.  The fire is lit and the burning sets in, her children are waiting, she bears it and grins.  Every day is a struggle , most more than some, exhausted and hurting its no wonder she's glum.  Single tear falls, this pain is extreme smile on her face though on the inside she screams.  Can't anyone see her sadness and despair, when no one believes that her pain is really there.  Forever she'll fight this pain till her death, this burning and stabbing there till her last breath.  But for now she drags her broken body to bed trying to rest but her mind filling with dread.  For she knows tomorrow will be just the same life with fibromyalgia simple isn't a game"




     It has now been 5 years since I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  When I was first told by the Dr. that is what I had, I dreaded the thought of the pain that I was experiencing getting worse and it has escalated to pains I never thought I would have. 


     It sucks to be in this much pain, I can't sleep well at night, so in the morning I am tired, lethargic and in a slight fog.  The immense pain in my joints from my nerves being on overdrive is hard to deal with and it  sometimes feels like someone is constantly stabbing me.  The burning makes me sometimes feel like I am on fire.  I am constantly exhausted but as a single mother of 3 I keep going, my body knows no end...no matter how beat up, battered and exhausted it is. 


      I have sleepless nights where I only get 3 hours of sleep just to get up and do a repeat of the day before activites.  My brain is in a fog, my memory is lacking .  I am constantly having muscle spasms in my legs, arms, ribs and back....and not much I can do but to let them ride.  I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of headache  .  Often times bright lights will bother me, and loud noises, even that of my own children but because I consider myself a loving mother I try to have patience.  I have reflux and have now acquired a hiatal hernia which can all be part of the fibro as well.


     Living with fibromyalgia has not been easy, even at times trying!!! Even on the darkest days when I feel that life isn't worth living , I look up and beyond the big wall, I see bright shining eyes that look at me lovingly and I know that no matter what pain life throws at me, I am here for a purpose.  I am here to be a friend, a daughter, a mother , a sister...and no whatever role comes my way I have to do it to the best of my ability no matter how much pain I am in......that is like with this diet...no matter what mistakes I may make, no matter how hard my mind tells me this is....I just have to keep on going......its like Dori in Finding Nemo....she wants to keep on swimming......for me I will " keep on trying, keep on trying" . 


   With trying and not giving up comes success and in turn maybe less pain.!!!