Curse of the Constant Pain

 " She sits from her sleep stiff and body aching, her every day pain is there upon awaking.
She struggles and pulls herself out of bed it's only been minutes and the pains already spread.  She puts on a face and bites on her lip, collecting her thoughts, tries to get a grip.  The fire is lit and the burning sets in, her children are waiting, she bears it and grins.  Every day is a struggle , most more than some, exhausted and hurting its no wonder she's glum.  Single tear falls, this pain is extreme smile on her face though on the inside she screams.  Can't anyone see her sadness and despair, when no one believes that her pain is really there.  Forever she'll fight this pain till her death, this burning and stabbing there till her last breath.  But for now she drags her broken body to bed trying to rest but her mind filling with dread.  For she knows tomorrow will be just the same life with fibromyalgia simple isn't a game"




     It has now been 5 years since I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  When I was first told by the Dr. that is what I had, I dreaded the thought of the pain that I was experiencing getting worse and it has escalated to pains I never thought I would have. 


     It sucks to be in this much pain, I can't sleep well at night, so in the morning I am tired, lethargic and in a slight fog.  The immense pain in my joints from my nerves being on overdrive is hard to deal with and it  sometimes feels like someone is constantly stabbing me.  The burning makes me sometimes feel like I am on fire.  I am constantly exhausted but as a single mother of 3 I keep going, my body knows no end...no matter how beat up, battered and exhausted it is. 


      I have sleepless nights where I only get 3 hours of sleep just to get up and do a repeat of the day before activites.  My brain is in a fog, my memory is lacking .  I am constantly having muscle spasms in my legs, arms, ribs and back....and not much I can do but to let them ride.  I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of headache  .  Often times bright lights will bother me, and loud noises, even that of my own children but because I consider myself a loving mother I try to have patience.  I have reflux and have now acquired a hiatal hernia which can all be part of the fibro as well.


     Living with fibromyalgia has not been easy, even at times trying!!! Even on the darkest days when I feel that life isn't worth living , I look up and beyond the big wall, I see bright shining eyes that look at me lovingly and I know that no matter what pain life throws at me, I am here for a purpose.  I am here to be a friend, a daughter, a mother , a sister...and no whatever role comes my way I have to do it to the best of my ability no matter how much pain I am in......that is like with this diet...no matter what mistakes I may make, no matter how hard my mind tells me this is....I just have to keep on going......its like Dori in Finding Nemo....she wants to keep on swimming......for me I will " keep on trying, keep on trying" . 


   With trying and not giving up comes success and in turn maybe less pain.!!!
 

  "The beginning is the most important part of any work"   ~ Plato~


The above quote stated by Plato holds so true....now I have never stated my claim to fame was writing, and I think a few of my English Teachers such as Mrs. Schultz and Mrs. Acres would of probably agree with me when I say ....my writing sucked.....of course I am the type that leaves stuff out, writes how I want and doesn't march to the beat to the same drum as all of the rest......so I guess Plato was kind of inviting me to start something new and important for me.so this is my beginning....well at least that is how I am going to see it.


I can't say my blog is going to be all fancy, at least not at the get go, but figured it was a good way to help me hold myself accountable and to see how much and how far I've come in the next year!!


Welcome to  my 2015 and a whole new year for each of us to explore all that life has to offer.  For me I hope to find new adventures,  new friends, maybe even love if I am lucky and to reinvent myself into the person I would really love to be. I am CHOOSING  and hoping I can sure write a good one.


So here goes nothing!!!


Since this is the only way I know how to hold myself accountable, I figured I would blog til my fingers bleed....well or maybe blogging and typing 100 words per minute would even burn calories....at least a fat girl like me would love that, it would help attain a goal I've been trying to attain for years.    Oh well guess its time for the hard work to start.  


So not many people know much about me so thought I would start with a short autobiography type things.  


Well of course my name is Laurie....I grew up in a small town of Volga, went to elementary, jr. high and high school there, and let me tell you growing up with the people I did was the greatest thing ever.   I can't say I was ever the perfect person but I am pretty sure all the other people weren't either.   I think I was probably the biggest girl in our class but the great thing about my classmates was they never treated me any differently then they treated the others.   Unfortunately its not like that now a days, and kids aren't as lucky as I was.   I think that made it easy for me to be comfortable in my skin most days and love myself...and to all my classmates I thank them for that ....however maybe I became a bit too comfy.....To think if I wasn't as comfy maybe I would of never gotten to where I am currently.....the one thing I hate the most is admitting my weight, but its not like I can hide it behind a tree or anything.


So here goes nothing, I recently chose to start a weight loss journey that was long time coming....I have tried many things over the years and this time and I know its the last is the Sanford Profile....I know this is going to be the one that gives me my freedom back and lets me have my life back.


To give you some of my recent information so that people can follow me in my transformation


My current weight is : 436  ( way too much for my body to handle)
My Measurements:  Waist = 67 inches
                                 Hips = 72 inches
                                 Chest = 59.5
                                 Thigh = 33 inches
                                 Bicep = 21 inches
                                 Neck = 16.5


Yes I know I was shocked on how many inches there was all over my body, it almost disgusted me...but that disgust is what is going to motivate me to change that.


For those of you that don't know over the years my health has been declining.....more because of my fibromyalgia and the constant pain all over my body.  The only other issues is my high blood pressure.  However, the shocking thing to my doctor has been my actual low cholesterol.  But everything will change once the weight comes off.


My goal you might ask....is 185 pounds....that is a total loss of 251 pounds not to mention the several inches that will come with that.   Thinking about it I am excited....I have not been that size since I was a Senior in High School.


I am not going to let anything get in my way this time, I refuse.  I know there are going to be breakdowns, failures, but there are also going to be successes and defeats but I refuse to let the failures define my success and how this works for me.  if there is anything I've learned over the years its that you cant give up , and being the person I am try try again is just how this plan is going to work.   I tell myself to remember Rome wasn't built in a day and we all know that, nor am I going to be a size 10 in a day either.    I've always said Slow and Steady wins the race......fast pace just sets you up for failures. 


Well another day is closing and on to a new day I go